make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
