I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
