i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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