Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
They took my balls.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
