I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
