Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
high people should be assigned attendants
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
