tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
