i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Randomize
