My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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