Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
