im six kinds of drunk right now
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize