My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
