I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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