you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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