that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
