i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
