I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
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