Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
