I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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