No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You took a bar mat shot.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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