Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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