you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
