i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
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