We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
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