yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
