I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize