im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
