oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
