I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
