I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
