no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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