You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
he shaved USA in his pubs
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
