he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
