Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
