She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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