I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
