He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
