Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
