Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
In other news, I just burned my penis
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize