She said her name was "party"
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
