i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
