Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Randomize
