you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
