I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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