No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Hippo gnu deer
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
