I seem to have left my pride at pride
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
