Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
