i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
