I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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