He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
