he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
