i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
