the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
