If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Randomize
