I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
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