My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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