I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
