We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
