I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I intend to get homeless drunk
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
