Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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