Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
