i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
