i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
