put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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