hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
