I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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