had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
