Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
