Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
