I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
She just used a chaser for red wine.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
