My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
