im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
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