the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I did not marry a roomba.
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