Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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