i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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