you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
