Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You took a bar mat shot.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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