chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
This is classic penis vs brain.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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