There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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