Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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