Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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