do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize