Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
