you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
The uberlube is also flammable
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
