Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
