So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
