Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
well you can't waste a boner
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
