What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize