i may or may not be watching the land before time
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
