I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
he's gonorrhea incarnate
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
