i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
